Comforting Those Bereaved by Suicide: A Guide for Supporters

Offering comfort to someone who has lost a loved one to suicide can feel overwhelming. You may worry about saying or doing the wrong thing—but remember: the worst has already happened. You cannot fix the pain, but your presence and compassion can provide tremendous comfort and support.

This guide is designed to help you approach those who are grieving a suicide loss with empathy, confidence, and care.

What Can I Say?

  • The most sincere and comforting words are often simple: “I’m so sorry.”

  • Follow with heartfelt thoughts like:

    • “He/She will be deeply missed.”

    • “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you.”

  • Share any personal memories, kind words, or stories about the deceased.
    These memories, no matter how small, are incredibly meaningful to the family.

What Can I Do?

  • Be present. Your steady presence is powerful.

  • Offer practical help. Rather than asking, "Let me know if you need anything," consider doing:

    • Preparing or delivering meals

    • Running errands

    • Taking care of children or pets

    • Cleaning, laundry, or yardwork

    • Answering or documenting phone calls and deliveries

    • Tracking gifts of food or flowers

    • Assisting with funeral planning, attire, or travel logistics

    • Later on: writing thank-you notes or navigating paperwork (insurance, benefits, legal)

  • Provide comfort items. Offer water, tissues, and—if welcome—a hug.

  • Share in their sorrow. Your own tears are a human response and are okay. Just ensure your emotion supports, rather than overwhelms, the grieving family.

  • Gently guide the environment. Help keep the space peaceful and functional, especially in the early days.

  • Support communication. If appropriate, offer to help the family speak with others about the circumstances of the death. Transparent, compassionate language reduces rumor and stigma.

Should I Use the Word “Suicide”?

Yes. If the death has been confirmed as suicide, it's appropriate to say the word gently and respectfully. Preferred language includes:

  • “He/She died by suicide”

  • “He/She ended their life”

Avoid saying “committed suicide,” as it implies a crime or wrongdoing. Suicide is not a crime—it is a tragic loss of life, often resulting from overwhelming mental pain.

Can I Ask What Happened?

If you're a close friend or relative, it may be appropriate to ask gently:
“Do you feel like talking about what happened?”

If they choose to talk, be prepared to listen—sometimes in vivid, emotional detail. If you’re not comfortable hearing those details, it’s better not to ask. Avoid telling them not to think or talk about it; sharing the experience is a vital part of healing.

Should I Say Their Loved One’s Name?

Absolutely. There will never be a time when hearing the name of the person they lost is unwelcome. Speaking their name honors their memory and reinforces that they are not forgotten. Follow the family’s lead when referring to the deceased, and use the past tense when appropriate.

Is It Okay to Share Faith-Based Views or Personal Experiences with Suicide?

No. Please do not offer religious interpretations about suicide or share personal beliefs unless explicitly invited to do so by the bereaved. Also avoid sharing your own past struggles or stories of suicide loss right away. The early days of grief are not the time for comparison, explanation, or theological interpretation.

If the bereaved have faith-based questions, kindly suggest they speak with a trusted clergy member or spiritual advisor.

Are There Topics I Should Avoid?

Yes. Avoid:

  • Comparing their loss to other tragedies

  • Telling them not to cry, or to "be strong"

  • Trying to cheer them up

  • Using euphemisms or vague references to the death

  • Speaking in clichés such as “Everything happens for a reason” or “They’re in a better place now”

Instead, be a calm, compassionate presence. Let them lead.

How Long Will It Take for Them to Be Okay Again?

Grief has no timeline. The loss of a loved one to suicide profoundly changes lives. The old “normal” is gone; a new “normal” will slowly, painfully emerge. Some days may feel manageable, others may not.

Be aware of red flags such as persistent guilt, extreme anger, or talk of hopelessness or wanting to die. While these feelings can be common, if they persist, gently encourage the bereaved to speak with a mental health professional—ideally someone experienced in grief and suicide loss.

Additional Ways to Help

  • Support groups: Help locate a local or virtual support group for suicide loss survivors, and offer to attend with them.

  • Books & resources: Provide a book, website, or article about coping with suicide grief. These resources can validate their experience and remind them they are not alone.

  • Connect them with others: If you know someone who has been through a similar loss and is willing to talk, offer to introduce them (with the family’s consent).

  • Keep reaching out: After the initial weeks pass and life “returns to normal” for others, survivors still need support. Keep checking in—with calls, notes, meals, invitations, or a simple, “Thinking of you.”

Even if declined, these gestures matter.

Helpful Resources for Suicide Loss Survivors

You don’t need the perfect words. Just show up, listen, and care. Your love and presence make a difference.